Cardinal Envy, Your Party is Holding Your Table

Yes, Jon Stewart is an uber liberal.  Yes, it's a disgrace and a lens on Our Times that the Daily Show is an actual source of "news" for bajillions of Americans.

But you know what?

Jon Stewart is effing hilarious.  The Daily Show is, most times (IMO), effing hilarious.

And when, that 1 time out of 100 when he/they turn their lens on non-conservative ... things?

I laugh my head off.  Because it's effing hilarious.

So let's be honest with ourselves, fellow travelers - we don't dislike Jon Stewart and his platform.

We envy it.

Here's another one I like from the beforetimes.

If Jon Stewart and his Daily Show were 100 to 1 in our corner?  We'd be making fun of anyone and everyone who didn't "get it".

Get it?

Hybrid Car Ravages Earth, Mother Gaia Cries

Women, Children Affected Most

Nothing puts a smile on my face like an electric car spontaneously catching fire and spewing black smoke into the atmosphere. Nothing, that is, except the same car catching fire again four days later:

(Cue crying Indian)

Engineers from General Motors Corp. and insurance representatives investigating whether a Chevrolet Volt or its charging station caused a fire last week that destroyed a garage in Barkhamsted were surprised Monday when the unplugged hybrid electric car began smoldering, four days after the early morning blaze.

Now, since no one got hurt except in the pocketbook, that's entertainment.

Should You Work For Free?

In case you've ever wondered, here's a handy flowchart that can help you decide.

My Favorite Acronymns

SOCMOB: Standing On (the) Corner Minding (my) Own Business. This is the usual state of a victim before a vicious predator know as 'SomeDude' accosts them.

YSLE: You Stupid Lemon Eater


BOCTAOE: But Of Course There Are Obvious Exceptions. Oft paired with YSLE, above.

BOHICA: Bend Over, Here It Comes Again

Oh Yeah!!!!???

Scene: Polling Place in Portsmouth, NH

I am at the Register Today counter, filling out a form.

Lady: mumble mumble. Oh, I'm doing 5 things at once...

Me: (trying to be nice) That never works out so well for me.

Lady: I mean this in the nicest way, but that's because you're a man.

(Short pause)

Me: I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you must be a Democrat.

Lady: ... frosty silence.

Dumb As A Box Of Hair

“When people are incompetent in the strategies they adopt to achieve success and satisfaction, they suffer a dual burden: Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it."* 

This article leads off with a description of a miscreant who was arrested soon after he robbed a bank, in broad daylight,  wearing no mask or disguise.

Astonished was he when the cops nabbed him in short order, as he had rubbed lemon juice on his face assuming it would conceal his image from cameras.

This is the kind of thing that makes the words "jury of your peers" scary. 


*Justin Kruger and David Dunning, “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties of Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-assessments,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1999, vol. 77, no. 6, pp. 1121-1134.

Flirtin' With Disaster Every Day

So it's a typical Geeky Saturday Night at my place - a few of us dorky guys clustered around my dining room table playing a boardgame (Descent), drinking rum and beer, slinging dice, and sharing tall tales.

At some point the music I have on gets us in "remember when?" mode and a couple of us relate the various songs upon which we -ahem- first entered the gates of manhood in the company of a lady.

My friend, let's call him "Frank", then states firmly "I lost my virginity to Molly Hatchet!" and the pilings-on rained swiftly down from heaven as the rains onto a parched and unknowing prairie:

"Hard core!"
"Did they send a card?"
"Was it all of 'em at once or did they take turns on you?"
"Was it after a show?"
"Did they write a song about it?"

Bomp-ba-lomp-bomp yeahhhhh!

We Interrupt This Blog For A Late-Breaking New Bulletin

BUMBLEF@#K, CT --  Around 8am (EST) this morning, insignificant blogger Meataxe was able to disprove the oft cited aphorism that "there ain't no rest for the wicked."

"Im as wicked as they come," he told reporters. "And after 8 hours of shut eye, I feel pretty well rested." 

The full extent of the blogger's wickedness was not immediately apparent, but initial reports indicate his activities include such unsavory activities as gun-owning, gun-shooting, meat-eating, wood-burning, and leftist-baiting.

Meataxe was also spotted chortling upon the occasion of Scott Brown's recent senate victory in Massachusetts, and has referred to a recent series White House policy initiatives as "a buncha crap, if you ask me."

When asked for comment, Mrs. Meataxe responded, "Get off my lawn, or I'll set the dogs on ya."

Emboldened by this success, Meataxe intends to conduct a full survey of the local flora to determine if money, in fact, does grow on trees.

Here's Something Our Parents Didn't Have to Deal With

My 6-year old has started googling things he wants us to buy him and presenting us with print outs of web pages.

Thanks A Lot, DMV...

Today, when I was driving to work I saw a Honda Pilot with the license plate 402-POO.

That's even funnier because it rhymes.

I wonder how many crude and simple-minded jokes the driver of that car hears.

"Hey, your driving stinks."

Har har har.......

Harry Potter: Libertarian Manifesto

I'm reading the Harry Potter series to my son, Fang. The farther we get, the more convinced I am that J. K. Rowling is a libertarian.

Here are my reasons:

1) Any wizard or witch can ride on a broom. That's pretty freaking cool right there. No control or regulations whatsoever on your own personal, high speed aircraft. No helmet law, either.

2) One of the few collective institutions is the wizard school, Hogwarts, where everyone is taught how to turn people into newts, create dangerous and exciting potions or poisons, see the future to cheat on the stock market, and beat the lie detector when they get busted for insider trading. I made the last two up, but you get the idea.

3) Everyone gets a wand. If you've got a wand and you know the spells, you can disarm, torture, maim or even kill. The only thing stopping you is your own conscience, or the fear that the other wizards might fling you into Azkaban, the wizard jail, which brings me to ....

4) The wizard government sucks. With very few exceptions, government committees in the wizard world are ignorant, cruel, clumsy and corrupt. And the head of state, the "Minister for Magic" is wimpy political expediency personified, bending or ignoring rules to suit himself. What kind of government keeps Dementors on staff, and turns them loose without a referendum?

5) Spoiler Alert. When the bad guys are finally stopped for good at the end of the fourth book, its not the Ministry  -- its the wizard militia who finally pulls it off.

6) Harry's world is a very dangerous place. People fall off their brooms, break their legs, fly magicked up cars into trees at high speeds, grow cat fur on their faces by mistake, have all the bones in their arms turned to jelly, fight dragons, etc. And nobody gets upset and starts a Wand Control movement, or insists on caging all the dragons or restricting potions classes to the politically reliable. They just roll with it.

I'm sure there are more. Post them in the comments, or disagree entirely if you find that more pleasing.

Make The Stupid People Shut Up

I like this.

A lot.

I may put it up at work.

I admit that I stole it from this blog.

You Can't Be An Internet Gun Nut Unless...

You know this here stuff:

Only One/Glock 40 Video 
This is the famous video of the DEA agent shooting himself in the leg with the very pistol he claimed nobody else in the room was professional enough to carry. The video is the ultimate source (as far as I know) of the "Only Ones" formula which usually appears somewhere near any blog post relating dumb/selfish/or criminal behavior by police officers.

I've used it myself, when describing a cop who shot a guy in court over some traffic tickets. (We're the Only Ones Batshit Crazy Enough...) but David Codrea of the excellent War On Guns blog is the Imperial Grand Champion of the "Only Ones" meme.

Mall Ninja
A reasonable man might question the sense of equipping mall security guards with Level 2 body armor. And if a mall security guard suggested duct-taping a trauma plate to said body armor due to fears of repeated hits with .308 ammo, a reasonable man might also suggest shopping or working somewhere else.

But reason and logic played no role in the birth of the Mall Ninja. The OP, Gecko45, wondered not only if his duct-taped trauma plate would be enough protection, but also posted his mall-security wish list that included a PSG-1 rifle (with starlight scope), Glock 27 backup guns, and Kahr P-9s. If he'd been working at the Galleria of Fallujah, (he wasn't) his list might have made sense. Instead of the respect he demanded, his reward was the dubious honor of being forever known as the first Mall Ninja.

The thread is saved for all eternity at the Shrine of the Mall Ninja.

Gunkid
If you ever see anyone mention a "tactical wheelbarrow," threaten to poison the water supply, claim that the ultimate defensive rifle is a silenced AR in .22lr with a 10-inch barrel, or advocate the use of a debarked chihuahua as a guard dog, they are making an homage to John Melvin Davis, AKA Gunkid, the most infamous troll of internet gun-dom.

Gunkid did all those things, and more. Banned over and over again from any gunny board you can think of, he just kept coming back until finally arrested by the Feds for stealing guns, ammo and other valuables from his estranged ex-wife. For more, just google "gunkid" or read how Xavier and Lawdog memorialized him.

Anyone got any more? Please post them in the comments.

I, For One, Welcome our New Chinese Chick Overlords...

Image gleefully stolen from Weekly Standard. See the rest of the article here.  I  now pause for reflection, wondering  what their  ... um... undress uniform looks like.

Obama and Hitler Riding Past My House on a Jet-Powered Ninja Elephant

Well, maybe someday soon if the technology in this video makes it past pre-alpha.  

UPDATED:  to add actual real live documentary image of honest-to-god Ninja Elephant: 

When Toilet Paper is Outlawed....

... I predict Tam will be leading the resistance.

Folks, you can take my light bulbs and I'll grumble, you can make me smoke outside and I'll sulk, but listen to me now and believe me later, little pencil-necked environmentalist man: You had damned well better take my guns before you take my Charmin.

Nice one.

Me, I have a septic tank and the comfy toilet paper clogs it up good. So in my house we use the recycled stuff that would make an refugee from the Soviet gulag tear up and have flashbacks.

They'd Never Get Away With This In Peoria

This is simply one of those things that is too good to check. Probably not a real answering machine message, but should be. Somewhere.



If it isn't someone should probably start a school system so they could use this.

Notes From the Digital Frontier

I present the following conversation with out annotation or comment:

Me: (browsing through menus of movies and tv shows on the Xbox, while looking for Season 3 of The Guild ) One day, they're gonna have porn on here, and it will be perfect.

Wife: (Rolls eyes. Continues folding laundry) ...

Me: (Laughing at own remark) That's pretty funny. I should write that down.

Wife: Oh. Yeah. Hysterical.  ...  You better not put this in your blog.

Don't Fuck With The Intertubez

Dooce savages both the uncaring Whirpool Corporation and the rules of capitalization.

Great.

Things I Only Need 1 Of

Here is a list of things that I only need one of (YMMV):

Sunglasses. Why would you need more than one pair at a time? Do you coordinate them with your shoes? (You effete snob)

Watches. I guess you have two wrists, but you'd look like an ass wearing more than one watch at a time. Why own more than one at a time? (See above parenthetical remark re: Sunglasses, twinkletoes.)

Dress Shoes. I'll stretch this to two pairs. More than two pairs of dress shoes starts to feel excessive. Nobody is looking at your feet, anyway.

Cell phones. This one baffles me. Why does you need two cell phones clipped to your waistband? You are not Batman. You don't need a utility belt. Explore the freedom offered by call forwarding.

Anything else you only need 1 of? Answer in the comments.