Attack of the Killer 1985

I have been assimilated.

Now that I have seen it, I can formally partition my life into BKF ("Before I saw Kung Fury), and AKF ("After I saw Kung Fury") sections.

Find 30 spare minutes.  Then watch this.  All of it.

SavagesSayWhat?

I used to know this guy who had a manic wannabe Hunter S. Thompson youth that I caught the trailing edge of.  He survived himself and got normal, and I got lots of good-yet-sometimes-terrifying stories to tell.  One of them I was retelling many years ago involved him staggering up the basement steps of the house he was living in to scare his more straightlaced housemates into tottering off to the liquor store for more fuel for the raunchy drug-fest he was hosting downstairs.  At first they refused but he cowed them into obedience by pulling out a razor blade and proceeding to carve "FUCK YOU" into his own chest in front of them.

I saw the scars - he'd gotten through the "FUC" if I remember correctly.

Anyway, I was telling that one to a more jaded group a while later and one guy laughs and offers, completely reasonably, that he'd've wanted the whole phrase, and proper punctuation to boot.  After all, a threat's not a threat if you don't feel threatened, and self-harm can really only hurt the self.

So then there's these guys.

Anyone want to start up #sendmorethread with me?

It's In the Trees - It's Squatting!

I don't even...

WTF?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wanted: Attic, Diary, Pen. Length of Stay: Undetermined

[Emperor Palpatine voice]

Good.  Goooooood.

[/Emperor Palpatine voice]

"No Matter Where You Go, There You Are"

I kinda wanted to vent about Obama ensuring that our secondary enemy Iran becomes a regional power capable of threatening our real ally Israel, or our allies of convenience like Saudi Arabia, Jordan, etc., and really, us. Here a link.

Then I sorta wanted to go ballistic about Planned Parenthood selling killed baby parts.  You know, for SCIENCE!  And PROFIT! There a link.

But as I gathered my spleen for a spew that at least 5 people would read, I ran across an article about a guy who flew from Pennsylvania to Arizona to have sex with miniature horses and have them pee on his shirts for getting-off-later funtimes. Holy-crap-hopefully-not-everywhere-a-link-link.

So... Umm...

Fuck it.  I'm making myself a cocktail.

Exqueeze Me?

“I did not know I had been served human meat, and it was that expensive,” he said.

 When that can be your pull quote, I don't know if anything further is necessary, but...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/nigeria/11610908/Nigerian-restaurant-shut-down-for-serving-human-flesh.html

Oh, Africa.

Welcome to Sher-HOLY FUCK!

Condition Legolas?

Uh-unh.

Snow or Spiders - you can't tell, hahahahahahaha - wait, where are you going...?

Wow

I'm not a dream guy.

I've never met Tam.

I had a dream the other morning where me and my blog partner met Tam in Indiana-ville, then we were in a gun store and we were introduced to, and subsequently made fun of, a mare's legged Mosin Nagant.

It was long.

And that's why I'm not really a dream guy.

When You've Lost Hitler...

Weiner Bites Self

I mean, really.

You can't make this stuff up.

"I Say We Take Off and Nuke the Site From Orbit. It's the Only Way to be Sure."

"Oh Smasher, you're so judgmental - every culture and way of life is as valid as your own."

I know that "Different" does not equate to "Worse".  Except when it does.

"S Korean customs agents seize 17,000 pills containing powdered human baby flesh"

Hat Tip to Hot Air.

Newtonian Fluids Running Down Our Legs

So I'm supposed to not like Romney because he's not a conservative firebrand. Okay, I can understand that as far as it goes, but Newt Gingrich instead? Aside from being no more or no less of a conservative firebrand than the RomneyBot 9000, he's kindof icky-scary to the mushy American middle that actually determines the presidency. We all know that, right?

Newt is a weapon in the holster of a Republican leader, not a leader himself.

As far as I'm concerned, the "make it as bad as possible so we get a Reagan" vote made their point and did enough damage to the country in 2006 and 2008 - do you really need to do it again in 2012? Do you really want another Obama term, because that's the "equal and opposite" reaction we're going to get if we really put this guy at the top of the ticket.

What. The. HUMP?

Police arrest teacher who made students dress in bras and panties

Via HotAir:

An Oklahoma elementary school teacher who hosted a tree trimming party for students at her home is in police custody. Her crime is not violating a politically correct school or local policy that bowdlerizes references to Christmas. Rather, it is the unorthodox dress code that she enforced—bras and panties with a Christmas theme—as well as the age of her guests: All were third graders (h/t The Smoking Gun).
The teacher, Kimberly Crain, 48, was arrested on Friday and arraigned on charges of child pornography. Pottawatomie County District Attorney Richard Smothermon has asked that bail be set at $1 million, stating that Crain is a flight risk. Crain resigned her position at McLoud Elementary School on Thursday.

Okay, I don't have kids, so it's easy for me to say things like "if I HAD a kid there is no way in hell I would not home school them."

But if this kind of thing doesn't reinforce that stance for me then I don't know what would.

My blog-partner MeatAxe (or "Me - ay - taxi" as a friend of mine said upon first reading this little internet way-point) has heard me say on multiple occasions that, in Africa, everyone above the rank of Captain should be summarily shot just to give the place a chance to air out. Now I'm thinking that every American teacher with more than 10 years in needs to be shot into the Sun, just to be sure.

WTF?

Merry Taxmas?

When I first read this one yesterday, I really thought it was a spoof that had gotten through, like when people get up in arms about an Onion article. But as far as I can tell it's real.

Obama is the Grinch.

The Hot Air article pretty much says it all:

President Obama’s Agriculture Department today announced that it will impose a new 15-cent charge on all fresh Christmas trees—the Christmas Tree Tax—to support a new Federal program to improve the image and marketing of Christmas trees.

... but I just wanted to share it around. Almost makes me want to get fitted for a Wookiee suit.

"Pain, Kirk?"

Oh, my god. I just remembered that Chevy Chase had a talk show for a little bit.

The More Things Change....

First read this article from the Guardian

Parachute Regiment to lose £5-a-day danger payment
Proposed army cuts may affect 4,000 military personnel including soldiers returning from Afghanistan

Then, read this:

TOMMY
by Rudyard Kipling

I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:
    O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";
    But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,
    The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
    O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
    For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";
    But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,
    The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
    O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.

Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
    Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"
    But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,
    The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
    O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
    While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",
    But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,
    There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
    O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.

You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
    For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
    But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
    An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
    An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!

Grammarlympics

Most awesomely ridiculous English phrase, in my opinion:

"...would have had to have had..."

That one's always been a fave of mine.

Running With The Awwww Yeah!!!!

Take the David Lee Roth vocal track from Running With The Devil.

Take a program that analyzes the music you enter and creates its own background track for it.

Mix the two together and, oh, I’m sorry, you got your Awesome in my Best Thing Ever; no, you got your Best Thing Ever in my Awesome!

Regardless, everyone’s a winner.