When the Tellerite was murdered, I was quite incapacitated.

Proof Sarek was in Epstein's cell!

KIRK: How was he killed?
MCCOY: His neck was broken. By an expert.
KIRK: Explain.
MCCOY: Well, from the nature and location of the break, I'd say the killer knew exactly where to apply pressure to snap the neck instantly.
KIRK: Who aboard would have that knowledge?
SPOCK: Vulcans. On Vulcan, the method is called tal-shaya. It was considered a merciful form of execution in ancient times.
KIRK: Spock. A short time ago, I broke up an argument between Gav and your father.
SPOCK: Indeed, Captain? Interesting.
MCCOY: Interesting? Spock, do you realise that makes your father the most likely suspect?
SPOCK: Vulcans do not approve of violence.
KIRK: You're saying he couldn't have done it?
SPOCK: No, Captain. I'm merely saying it would be illogical to kill without reason.
KIRK: But if he had a reason, could he have done it?
SPOCK: If there were a reason, my father is quite capable of killing. Logically and efficiently.

Captain, Sensors Detect Something Off the Starboard Bow

Uh Oh.
Cashectomy alert! Set wallet to "Empty".

Darmok

Democrats on the ocean.

America on the ocean.

Democrats at Tenagra. America at Tenagra.

The Economy of Tenagra. Democrats, with fist closed. Democrats, with eyes covered.

America at Tenagra, her eyes red, her face wet.

Democrats on the ocean.

America on the ocean.

Shaka, when the walls fell.

To Boldly Go Where No Fan Has Asked You To Go Before

Based on what I've seen so far, my quick synopsis of the new Trek:

Star Trek XI: Doucheageddon

Some Romulan fartbag throws a tizzy, goes back in time and cockblocks James T. Kirk's parents just enough so that he and all his friends and fellow Star Fleet personnel still exist, but only as juvenile Emo tards with their hearts on their sleeves and their pants around their ankles. This timefucking also manages to alter all prior establishments of style, lighting, and construction into total queertopia.

Coolant Leak!

Okay, I don't know what the Star Trek: Next Generation ships have running through their engine systems, but every time they bust a pipe someone starts yowling "COOLANT LEAK!" and running away like a spooked cat.

One can only assume that it's high-pressure Plutonium gel, or Andorian pus, or maybe Ouzo. Whichever, it's clearly not something you want to be involved with. Maybe they should have stuck to plain old antifreeze. Sure, it's no picnic to drive from Ann Arbor, Michigan to Boston, Massachusetts in a Ford Escort with a cracked heater core in a frigid December; but as I recall, even when we absolutely had to turn on the defroster and it kinda-sorta melted the haze on the windshield while at the same time spritzing a fine mist of stinky blue stuff into the car, neither me nor my roomie and driving partner spent a lot of time yelling "COOLANT LEAK! WE'VE GOT A COOLANT LEAK!"

Of course, that was in 1987. Sci-fi nerds that we both are/were, had it happened a few years into the show we'd've added "COOLANT LEAK!" to our already-dizzying array of secret language codes that roomies always seem to develop as eagerly as we had "No arms - no legs! THE DETROIT RIVER!"

Yes, that phrase actually conveyed meaning betwixt Peter & I. Scary things, roommates.

Star Trek XI: The Wrath of Reboot

I've nothing really to add about the "should we/shouldn't we" of the Reboot. They do, they did, and I'm going to go check it out.

I've nothing really to add about the ship. It's ugly and completely counter to the iconic look of the original, BUT they've been doing that since they pulled the Ent-E out of the dead uterus of a drunken space worm. So big whoop.

But I will say that if they choose to go all nuBSG and turn the iconic characters into a pack of whiney crybaby sissypants narcissisitc fucksticks that I'd just as soon boot to the head as share oxygen with, then they will have lost a potential fan.

When I see Kirk I want to BE as cool as Kirk. BE as unflappable as Spock. BE as drunk as McCoy. BE as geeky as Scotty. BE inside Uhura.

But seriously, does anyone want to BE the new Adama? BE the new Apollo? HAVE the new Starbuck inside them? No way. They're not icons or heroes, they're just a satchel of turds.

So in short, an ugly ship I can live with. Ugly characters, uh-uh.