Monday, November 30, 2015


I used to know this guy who had a manic wannabe Hunter S. Thompson youth that I caught the trailing edge of.  He survived himself and got normal, and I got lots of good-yet-sometimes-terrifying stories to tell.  One of them I was retelling many years ago involved him staggering up the basement steps of the house he was living in to scare his more straightlaced housemates into tottering off to the liquor store for more fuel for the raunchy drug-fest he was hosting downstairs.  At first they refused but he cowed them into obedience by pulling out a razor blade and proceeding to carve "FUCK YOU" into his own chest in front of them.

I saw the scars - he'd gotten through the "FUC" if I remember correctly.

Anyway, I was telling that one to a more jaded group a while later and one guy laughs and offers, completely reasonably, that he'd've wanted the whole phrase, and proper punctuation to boot.  After all, a threat's not a threat if you don't feel threatened, and self-harm can really only hurt the self.

So then there's these guys.

Anyone want to start up #sendmorethread with me?

Thursday, November 26, 2015

It's In the Trees - It's Squatting!

I don't even...


Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, October 26, 2015


before there was textsfromlastnight, there was

#954315 +(260)- [X]
<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus                 
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5                         
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism Department   
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism Empire

Friday, October 16, 2015

Vive la Différence!

"But Smasher, there's no palpable difference between the GOP and the DNC!"

They're both full of poltroons and thuggery to be sure, and I'd trust none of them behind me in a dark alley, as a rule.


Reading this Hayward post, I'm reminded of one stark difference:

The GOP expects and accepts questions from the Left.  The converse is never ever ever true.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Twilight Struggle: Playing the "Syrian Re-alignment" Card

Card Instructions: Red: Remove all U.S. Influence from Syria and Place Enough Soviet Influence in Syria for Control.

If you haven't played Twilight Struggle and are interested in the Cold War, go get a copy now.  I'll wait...

Now, I'm as big a "Team America: World Police" booster as there is.  Nationalistic pride and cool boomstick stockpiling aside, I really do think that the world is a much more dangerous place without Pax Americana.

But... Syria?  I find myself hard-pressed to care if Putin is sending a few An-124s full of vodka-soaked soldiers, technicians, and batteries of SAMs to prop up Assad the Chinless for another decade.  The rest of the region?  Well, I wanted to believe that the clarion call for liberty and democracy beat strong and hot in the breasts of the groaning masses of the Middle East - hell, I did believe it - but the data are in, and the data clearly show I was wrong: that beat is not strong (nor is their spine the bassline).  At best it beats in few enough of them that they're better off taking those breasts somewhere not in the Middle East and letting the place rot.

Besides, what the hell are good breasts going to do in the Middle East?  Sooner or later some jihadi is going to come along and just cover them up or saw them off anyway.

Short-sighted of me?  Maybe.  But we tried it my way for a while - why not try something different in that region for the next while?

Maybe it's a Blue card after all...

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Still Angry


Just remember, orcs ain't people.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Wanted: Attic, Diary, Pen. Length of Stay: Undetermined

[Emperor Palpatine voice]

Good.  Goooooood.

[/Emperor Palpatine voice]

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Politician Control

(Ran across this old post of mine from a forum I used to participate in frequently.  Made me laugh a little, reposting it here for funsies.)

I listened to 10 seconds of Cuomo's rant last night NY Gov. Cuomo pushes strict gun-control measures in wake of shootings - and his "Nobody NEEDS 10 bullets to kill a deer!" line got me thinking that, well, nobody NEEDS 10 politicians to pass a law. So I'm thinking that I might start a politician control movement to limit the horrifying things politicians do to ourselves, our children, and our society:

  1. No more than 5 politicians allowed per state.
  2. All bad politicians are banned, and may be confiscated by the state for disposal. Bad politicians are defined by such criteria as
    • Any politician having hair that does not move in a high wind.
    • Any politician that owns a blue suit.
    • Any politician with the letter "F" in their name.
  3. No politician may express more than 3 different positions on the same topic within a year's time.

Now, for those folks that are worried that my criteria are arbitrary and uninformed, I can only say that you must hate children and that the time has come to put an end to this sick culture where people feel the need to disagree with me. No one should be able to keep hundreds of politicians with thousands of power ties for any reason.

Who's with me?

Thursday, July 16, 2015


So if you're a good lefty liberal type watching your Monty Python DVDs, and you see one of them in blackface or redface, does your head explode?

If not, why not?

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

"No Matter Where You Go, There You Are"

I kinda wanted to vent about Obama ensuring that our secondary enemy Iran becomes a regional power capable of threatening our real ally Israel, or our allies of convenience like Saudi Arabia, Jordan, etc., and really, us. Here a link.

Then I sorta wanted to go ballistic about Planned Parenthood selling killed baby parts.  You know, for SCIENCE!  And PROFIT! There a link.

But as I gathered my spleen for a spew that at least 5 people would read, I ran across an article about a guy who flew from Pennsylvania to Arizona to have sex with miniature horses and have them pee on his shirts for getting-off-later funtimes. Holy-crap-hopefully-not-everywhere-a-link-link.

So... Umm...

Fuck it.  I'm making myself a cocktail.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Justice is No Longer Blind - She Peeks

I'm not a towering legal scholar, so I just want to get this straight:

To end HUMAN ENSLAVEMENT, an institution which

  • although part of human civilization for 5000 years, was already on its last legs worldwide
  • already viewed as abhorrent an evil by the majority of the civilized world
  • had, in essence, already been put down physically and legally in these United States at the cost of 4 years of war and at least half a million men
still required amending the Constitution to explicitly remind people that you can't actually own another Homo sapiens.

But the ability to end the tradition of marriage requiring at least one male and one female, which

  • as part of human civilization for 5000 years, remains a strong and positive tradition among the vast majority of nations and cultures worldwide
  • is only viewed as evil by the nitwitted deviants screaming to be allowed to copy it word-for-word
  • has never been directly approved by the electorate when brought to a vote or referendum
apparently already existed in the Constitution if you looked hard enough.

The hubris involved in pretzeling oneself into those crazy pants boggles my mind.

It's your world now, fuckoes, and you're welcome to it.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Exqueeze Me?

“I did not know I had been served human meat, and it was that expensive,” he said.
 When that can be your pull quote, I don't know if anything further is necessary, but...

Oh, Africa.

SciFi Sacrilege?

I just posted this on a movie thread on the Starship Modeler board:

He (paraphrased): 2001: A Space Odyssey put me to sleep twice and when I did watch it all the way through I didn't get it.

Me: "That's because it's not a good movie.

It's a spectacular visual cornucopia of snippets of input wrapped around a story it never tells you, but as a movie, it's crap."

There.  I said it.  Well, I typed it.  And because opinions are free I'll list a few more classic items my SciFi tastes tend to run counter to, although in these cases I don't think it's because they're bad books or movies...

  • Dune.  Hated it.  Overly long, dense, and boring.  Never bothered with the rest of the trilogy. At a friend's urging I read a little more Herbert, but found it unbearable.
  • Neuromancer.  Got interrupted with 2 pages to go, never bothered to finish it.  An utterly forgettable sampling of a subgenre that never appealed to me.
  • Blade Runner. Might as well call it Nap Runner. I've slept through parts of it both times I tried to watch it - theater and rental, and a movie where the sets are more interesting than the characters is not my thing.  Still, this one I should probably dial up again just to see if I can see what the fuss is all about.
O, to be such a heretic!

Thursday, April 30, 2015

I Don't Care, I'm Posting This Anyway

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

This is What It Sounds Like, When Banshees Howl

Hillary Clinton acting indignant at being thought of as corrupt is like John Waters acting indignant at being thought of as creepy.

You reap the reputation you sow, Shrillary.