These Kids Today, My Elddaz!

You gotta figure that for at least the first 500 years, whenever Elrond heard remnants of the Dunedain refer to Amon Sul as "Weathertop", it was the equivalent of me hearing "I'll meet you at the Amonizzle Shizzle".

In Soviet Russia....

Sauron is good guy.

Thanks, Professor JRRT

"Last of all Hurin stood alone. Then he cast aside his shield, and seized the axe of an orc-captain and wielded it two-handed; and it is sung that the axe smoked in the black blood of the troll-guard of Gothmog until it withered, and each time that he slew Hurin cried aloud: ‘Aure entuluva! Day shall come again!’ Seventy times he uttered that cry; but they took him at last alive, by the command of Morgoth, who thought thus to do him more evil than by death. Therefore the Orcs grappled Hurin with their hands, which clung to him still, though he hewed off their arms; and ever their numbers were renewed, till he fell buried beneath them."

My spur-of-the-moment re-read of LOTR recently also turned into another trip through the Silmarillion and co. Usually the passage that stays with me is the one in which Fingolfin battles Morgoth, but this time it's the above imagery that stands out. I doubt Professor Tolkien would have appreciated such a vulgar comment, but man, that's some severe badassery up there.

One Book to Rule Them All

I first read The Lord of the Rings when I was in 5th grade. My older sisters had given me The Hobbit a few years before and I ate that up, but when I plowed into LOTR after that I just couldn't do it - too many words, not enough action. They exacted a promise that I'd give it another shot the following year. And I did, this time completely falling in love with it.

I will never forget the look on my mother's face when I stomped down the stairs at about 11 o'clock one evening and rounded on my sister - she and mom were having a chat in the kitchen - and, her copy of Fellowship clutched firmly in hand, demanded to know why she'd made me read this book if You Know Who was just going to die. She placated me with assurances that "it gets better" and "just keep reading", while my mother looked on incredulously and spluttered "What are you doing up?!?" At the time it was in bed at 9pm and lights out at 9:30, I believe. But there were books to get to so I usually read for a couple of hours after that. And of course I followed my sister's advice and finished it, and over the years I've acquired at least four or five editions of the thing, paperback, hardcover, and leatherbound.

5th grade was a while ago, but I still re-read LOTR every 18 months or so, and those who do not re-read books probably won't believe this old saw, but I really do discover something new each time in addition to renewing old acquaintances. Every other time or so I accent my visit with the "deep" material - The Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales, and the like. This doesn't feel like one of those times because I have a stack of lenders I need to take a bite out of, most especially more of the Flashman books a buddy has lent me.

I had to put ROTK down today to head into work, right as the Rohirrim arrived at the Pelennor, and after all these years and page turns, it's still not easy to do.

Dribble, dribble, dribble, shoot, Swish!

"As Goodgulf stepped onto the bridge the passage echoed with an ominous dribble, dribble, and a great crowd of narcs burst forth. In their midst was a towering dark shadow too terrible to describe. In its hand it held a huge black globe and on its chest was written in cruel runes, "Villanova".

"Aiyee," shouted Legolam. "A ballhog!"

Anyone who loves Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, and who has even a spark of a sense of humor, should hie them hence and grab a copy of Harvard Lampoon's old chestnut,
Bored of the Rings.

And be prepared to sprain a latissimus laughing. Trust me.