Tuesday, June 2, 2009

You Can Have My Pepperoni When You Pry It From My Cold Dead Hands

The Washington D.C. City Council has officially run out of crime fighting ideas.

The latest proposal to cut down on violence involves banning pizza joints that attract a late night crowd.

Instead of asking the cops to put criminals in jail, or having police officers patrolling the city, DC Councilman Jim Graham wants to ban jumbo slice pizza.

Democrat Party councilman Jim Graham says the late-night “Jumbo Slice” pizza shacks operating on the popular Adams Morgan club and bar strip in Ward 1 attract the element that is likely to commit crime.

“Even though it’s a legal business and everything, they have become a nuisance,” Graham said. “Behaving the way they do in terms of music, in terms of letting people hang out and also in terms of tolerating a certain level of violence.”

I'm not usually at a loss to express exactly how idiotic something is, but Jim Graham has defeated me.

Assuming this measure passes, I guarantee that the late-night crowd will move over to cheap Chinese restaurants, or the new Pork-Chop-On-A-Stick Franchise, or the whatever muck and lard is available to violent drunkards after midnight.

I assume the intrepid Councilman Graham will be ready with another stern measure, forbidding the citizens of DC to eat latkes or sate or hamburgers after the bars close. Eventually if Jim gets his way, it will be illegal to eat outside at night, and then, finally the citizens of Washington DC will be safe.


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