Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Wingnuts of Russia

All the guys who stockpiled ammo, food and supplies are about to be proved right.

Not only is the US economy disintegrating, by 2010 the entire country will break into 6 states, we'll have another civil war and the Russians will invade to take back Alaska.

At least, that's what Igor Panarin says. Panarin has been predicting the collapse of the United States for years, but he really means it now, and he's become staggeringly popular in Russia these days. Here's an excerpt from a WSJ piece:

[Panarin] predicts that economic, financial and demographic trends will provoke a political and social crisis in the U.S. When the going gets tough, he says, wealthier states will withhold funds from the federal government and effectively secede from the union. Social unrest up to and including a civil war will follow. The U.S. will then split along ethnic lines, and foreign powers will move in.

California will form the nucleus of what he calls "The Californian Republic," and will be part of China or under Chinese influence. Texas will be the heart of "The Texas Republic," a cluster of states that will go to Mexico or fall under Mexican influence. Washington, D.C., and New York will be part of an "Atlantic America" that may join the European Union. Canada will grab a group of Northern states Prof. Panarin calls "The Central North American Republic." Hawaii, he suggests, will be a protectorate of Japan or China, and Alaska will be subsumed into Russia.

"It would be reasonable for Russia to lay claim to Alaska; it was part of the Russian Empire for a long time." A framed satellite image of the Bering Strait that separates Alaska from Russia like a thread hangs from his office wall. "It's not there for no reason," he says with a sly grin.

Panarin, a charter member of the International Wingnut Alliance, has been peddling his pet catstrophe theory since the 1990s. It didn't scare anyone then, and it shouldn't scare anyone now.

But we should be asking why Igor (when he's not lining his hat with tinfoil) is on Russian State Television so much.

The answer is pretty clear: more worrying evidence that the Russian government is taking a strong anti-American position.

To which I respond. "You want Alaska? Come and get it, assholes."


PS. There is an opportunity here for a Sarah Palin joke in comments.

I know this and am ready for it, but I want you to know that the bar is offically set high. The usual "Well, Sarah would finally to use all her experience dealing with the Russians," will not cut it.

If You Are Smart, This Post Is Not For You: The Death of Free-Market Capitalism

I keep hearing about the 'demise' of free market capitalism, most recently from that unbearable shrew, Arianna Huffington.

It's time to drive the final nail into the coffin of laissez-faire capitalism by treating it like the discredited ideology it inarguably is. If not, the Dr. Frankensteins of the right will surely try to revive the monster and send it marauding through our economy once again.

You can boil the entire idiotic thing entire thing down to one sentence, which AH essentially repeats for the entire column: lassez-faire capitalism is as outmoded as Soviet Communism.

Huffington is one of the shrill voices on the left claiming that the free market should be a thing of the past, which only proves that she's as ignorant of economics as she is of everything else.

Any of you who share her point of view, or might be tempted to lean in her direction, consider the following a smack behind the ear with a clue bat.

The 'free market' is not some kind of political ideology leading inexorably to Robber Barons credit default swaps, or evil bankers who drop kick small dogs.

PJ O'Rourke said it better than I could have:

"The free market is just a measurement, a device to tell us what people are willing to pay for any given thing at any given moment. The free market is a bathroom scale. You may hate what you see when you step on the scale. "Jeeze, 230 pounds!" But you can't pass a law making yourself weigh 185."

I'd add one thing: You can't to box up shit and sell it as shinola because you went to Princeton with Blaine Vandersnake, who now runs enforcement at the SEC. Nor should you pass laws that allow a strawberry picker from Bakersfield, California to get a no-down-payment mortgage for a house costing $720,000. (Yes, this really happened.)

The recent implosion of the US economy didn't happen because of "deregulation." It happened because of cronyism, greed, idealism and pig-ignorance all combined to make it hard or even impossible to tell what certain securities or financial instruments were atually worth.

• The management of Lehman Brothers diddled the risk management models for their mortgage backed securities
• Congress passed ludicrous measures like the Community Reinvestment Act (google it, I can't be bothered right now),and decide
  
• The dullards at Standard & Poors who assumed that home prices would continue to rise forever. These guys had computer model to predict mortgage defaults that could only accept a positive trend for home prices.

These and a host of other abominations were not the natural outgrowth of a free market -- they are a dirty snowball of lies, stupidity, and social engineering that just smashed the American taxpayer in the nose.

But taken to its root cause, you can see the common thread --when you can't figure out what something is worth, the free market doesn't operate very well. What we need is more honesty and clarity, and less of nearly everything else.

"Global Warming" --> "Climate Change" --> "All Right, It's Fucking Cold!"

Anyone who ignores the Sun as the primary energy driver in our solar system is a damned fool and should be mocked incessantly.

Anyone who believes a few extra tons of Carbon in the atmosphere can affect global climate is also a damned fool.

Anyone who refuses to acknowledge the fact that, when the Sun gets hotter, our planet gets hotter and when the Sun cools down, our planet cools down, is ten kinds of damned fool and should be beaten with red-hot shovels.

Here's a fun article that in its body sums it up much better than I can, because I get all emotionalistic on the topic.

UK Telegraph Article.

Remember folks, when things heat up, look to the Sun first and last. You can hardly miss it - it's that big burning disk in the sky over your heads that burns your eyes out if you stare at it too long.

Merry Christmas

That's it. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Chanukah, whatever.

Enjoy.

Why There Were No Mumbai-Style Attacks in Beijing

The crack Chinese Red-Banner Counter-Terror Rapid-Strike Segway Brigade was ceaseless in its energetic defense of the Chinese homeland, striking fear into the hearts of its cowardly enemies, the lickspittle running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie.

Happy Birthday, Nick

Many happy returns, to our most dedicated commenter.

Shoveling, Shoveling, Shoveling

My mom's town in Massachusetts was crushed by last week's ice storm, and more storms this weekend aren't anything to sneeze at. Here in Minnesota I've shoveled my walk and driveway for the 4th time in two weeks, and more is coming tomorrow, along with a plunge to -5 degrees tonight that will stay a few days (darn that "global warming").

I'm whiney about this weather in 2008 - how did the pioneers and settlers deal with this crap in connestogas and sod houses?

As every generation says, I guess, there were giants in those days. Better men than me, at any rate.

Newsflash: NY Gov. Patterson Thinks He Can Legislate the Diet

You can't legislate to enforce morality. I'm not even sure passing laws against murder stops people from killing eachother.

So why the hell does the Democrat Governor of New York think that by taxing juice, he can make people eat healthy?

New York Gov. David Paterson is fighting obesity and budget deficits in a proposal for an 18 percent tax on soda and other sugary drinks containing less than 70 percent real fruit juice.

The plan is to raise 404 million bucks in the next year through this inane tax.

The governor is suddenly consumed with the health of his constituents, or is he actually facing a multi-billion dollar budget shortfall, and going after something people buy anyway.

H/T to BobG, who has an excellent blog of his own.

This is News, Apparently

The AP in its wisdom has run a story with this headline:

Mother of Palin daughter's boyfriend arrested

What next, I ask?
Guy Who Sat Next To Palin In Math Class 25 Years Ago Seen To Litter Brazenly

Unflattering Comparison

With all the attention focussed on the Big 3 and their impending 17-billion dollar bailout, not enough people have noticed a rather astonishing announcement: the president of Honda just announced that he intends for his company to be profitable in 2009.

Let me say that again, in a slightly different way. In the same year that we propose to hand 17 billion clams to OUR auto companies to stop them from exploding, the Japanese ones plan to make money.

Of course Honda makes the Accord, the Civic and Accura brand, while GM made the Aztec, the Hummer and the Chevy Cobalt, and the Oldsmobile Diesel V-8. (Good lord, guys. What were you thinking?)

And Fuck You, Colin Powell

Yeah yeah, I'm supposed to like him for some reason. I liked him in front of a slideshow and map with a pointer during the first Gulf War, because he was in his element and wouldn't tolerate dumbassery from the assembled reporters. Since then that he's never done or said a thing that's impressed me, and he's done or said a few things that unimpressed me.

And I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh (timing conflict) regularly, but I have listened to and read him on occasion, and he makes a lot of sense and is a heckuva better Republican and conservative than Gen. Powell has ever shown. And I like Governor Palin a lot. So Powell's remarks this weekend about Rush, Palin, and the Republican Party in general are ridiculous not just for their source; a guy who fucked the team he was invited to play on, but also for their targets; legitimate Republican conservatives.

Gee, Powell is so conservative and Republican that he voted for the most liberal Democratic candidate in the last 20 years or so. And now he wants the Republican party to be, well... less Republican. Less conservative.

What a dick.

Fuck You, OPEC (Updated Nastily 12/18)

I just got this from the WSJ:

OPEC has decided to cut its oil output by 2.2 million barrels per day, a 4.2 million barrel per day reduction relative to September production levels, as the cartel attempts to counter falling demand and sinking prices.

Its their oil. They can charge what they want for it. And I'm aware that low prices for oil make it harder for oil producing nations and energy companies to explore new fields or otherwise invest in future production.

But maybe the only bright spot in the current economic disaster was the low price of gas. With a lot of families barely hanging on, an increase in gas prices could be disastrous.

We really need to get our country to the point where a bunch of guys in sheets can't manipulate our economy every time they need a new yacht.

UPDATE: If the leaders of the OPEC nations are not checking this blog for reaction to their production goals, its a good thing the market delivered a ringing FUCK YOU, OPEC in response to their announcement.

Thats right. OPEC tightens production, and the price drops to below $40 a barrel. Boo-ya. In your face. Now screw off, you degenerate sheep shaggers.

Best 50 Bucks I Ever Spent

So there I was, standing in front of the Christmas tree stand display at Stew Leonards.

"Should we really spend 50 bucks on a tree stand?" I asked the wife.

Flashback to last year: me, lying on the floor with pine needles in my eyes, tightening the bolts on our crappy old tree stand with a pair of pliers, as the wife holds the tree up. I stand up, she lets go, and tree falls over. Utter great obscenities. Threaten to convert to Judaism, Zoroastrianism, or any ism without a tree-in-the-house tradition. Repeat 6 or 7 times.

Dissolve back to Stews, Saturday night. We look at this Krinner tree stand with great hope. Fancy. New. It has a foot pedal and a cunning array of thick wire and clamps that are tightened and released by said pedal. The box says its easy. It looks easy. We buy it.

Once we hauled the tree into the house, it took maybe 15 seconds to set it up. We were so surprised, we did it twice, just to be sure. Feels like its countersunk into a foot of concrete.

Sure, maybe its a small thing, but not worrying that your tree will get knocked over by the kids or just fall over on its own is worth the 50 bucks.

Why We Should Kill The Terrorists Anyway

Hi Nick! Years from now when we have legions of irritated readers, we'll look back in the grateful realization that it all began with you. And Jack, of course.

But on to terror. It may be true that the odds of being physically killed or injured by a terrorist attack are pretty small. The odds of being affected by a terrorist attack are huge. Especially the kind that AQ is good at.

--For one thing, there's the terror. Having been in NYC for the 9/11 attacks, I can speak to this one myself. To this day, I think about terrorist attacks every time I hear a siren. Every single time. One of the reasons I moved out of NYC was because I didn't want my wife and kids anywhere near another attack -- if it happens. And there were plenty of people who had actual PTSD -- probably more than those who were injured or killed in the attacks.

--And then there's the economic consequences. One estimate says the attacks cost our economy $693 billion. I dunno if that's accurate, but even if its half or a quarter of that, its a significant figure. That effects everyone in the country.

Finally, even if the sole effect of the 9/11 attacks was to make me take my shoes off every time I get on an airplane, that would be enough for me to declare my own blood-soaked jihad against Al Quaeda.

MeatAxe is Teh Funny

1) Buddy of mine has a tricky situation to handle around the holidays with his in-laws, wife, and a bunch of other delicate factors. My reaction: "Sounds like juggling plutonium covered in cyanide while ninjas are chasing you through a minefield."

2) Cooking breakfast for the family, the wife tells me to come sit down as the pancakes are on the table. Son #1 says "He can't. He's cooking bacon." Which I was.

This pleased me and I told them all. "That's right. A man doesn't abandon his responsibilities cause something better comes along. ..... Which is pretty lucky for all of you."

Wife: "Why? Did a woman in a WRX ask you to move to Colorado with her?"

Me. "No ... It was twins."

Well, maybe you had to be there for that one. But the ninja one is good.

Yeah, I Said It

Here's a thought:

Right now, somewhere in the world, hundreds of men with prayer rugs are thinking of ways to kill as many people as they can.

G'night.

Why Iran Annoys Me

Over the last 8 years, the question "What is the US going to do about Iran?" has come up about a trillion times.

Every time we ask it, the dumber it sounds, because its not actually clear that we can do anything about a country run by religious fanatics who hate us, and run their economy on oil.

Since 2001, the administration told the mullahs over and over that military force was 'still on the table,' and if Seymour Hersh is to be believed, leaked hints that the US was eager to bomb Iran into tiny bits, and then invade to kick the bits around.

Pity it had zero effect. Here's a breakdown:

Centrifuges:

Without a very special centrifuge, you can't enrich uranium and make a bomb. When Dubya was inaugurated in 2001, Iran had no centrifuges -- that we knew about. Today, Iran is running approximately 3,800 of them, and apparently wants to add another 3,000, says the International Atomic Energy Agency. International Atomic Energy Agency.

Uranium:

The IAEA says that this month the Iranians had stockpiled about 1400 lbs of uranium, which is enough to make one bomb, if they keep passing that 1400 lbs through the centrifuges. That's a big improvement over the 2001 uraniuum stockpile of 0 lbs.

Missiles:

The Iranians have been working on missiles for quite a while. Im not sure what kind of arsenal they had back in 2001. Right now they have the Shahab-3 with a range of about 1,300 miles, and they're working on the Shahab-6 which is supposed to have a range of 6,200 miles -- far enough to reach parts of the United States.

The Islamic Republic of Iran is clearly expanding its influence and aiming to become a major regional power.

If we invade them in response, they may actually USE the nuclear weapons, and I'm sure the delicious irony of setting off a nuclear conflict by invading a country to stop them from setting off a nuclear conflict would not be worth it.

One way or another, it looks like Iran is going to get some of what it wants.

The real action will take place behind closed doors in the State Department as we try to make our inevitable acknowlegement of an Iranian sphere of influence look like a dazzling victory for US foreign policy.

December 7, 1941

Things like that used to piss us off enough to burn cities to the ground, hang leaders by the neck until dead, crush societies, and nuke cities.

Now they seem to make us feel bad for the perpetrators. Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong century.

Tam Puts One in the 10-Ring

Excellent advice to anyone with a CCW license. I have to say, read this a couple times and then read it again. And if you were looking for another blog to add to your list, View From The Porch would be a nice one to consider.

Don't Be A Grass-Eater

"If your first reaction to a law being horrifyingly broken is “we gotta make more laws”, you might be a grass-eater. If you believe in angels — or the Just World hypothesis — you’re probably a grass-eater. Both of these delusions indicate a desire to give up responsibility (and, therefore, freedom) to a faceless “higher” power. Grass-eaters are perfectly happy to give up liberty for a little safety — even if the only safety they get is from the consequences of their actions."
-Blunt Object
H/T to Smallest Minority, who found it on Atomic Nerds

Does Anything Get To Fail Anymore?

In CT, reading newspapers is so important that some state legislators want to use your tax money to support newspapers you don't read or care about right now.

Do we bail out every business that's having trouble? Do we stop when we run out of money?

That's my reaction to a request by some CT lawmakers for a local newspaper bailout.

Seven legislators from the area served by The Bristol Press and The Herald in New Britain today wrote to the state Department of Economic and Community Development to ask for its help in preventing the closure of the newspapers.

There actually are newspapers that are making money these days. McClatchy just reported a 3rd quarter profit. But instead of saying to these local businesses: "Get used to lower margins, innovate, adapt," the reponse is to scream for government money.

Why is handing over taxpayer money to these businesses is a good idea? Its a rotten time to publish a newspaper. The New York Times just had its bonds downgraded to junk status by Moody's. Ad revenue is down. Readership is down.

People increasingly don't get their news from newspapers, and some of them don't get it at all. An ignorant populace is definitely a bad thing, but handing out money to newspapers is not the way to fix the problem.

Historian Rick Shenckman proposes in his book "Just How Stupid Are We?" that the government subsidize newspaper subscriptions, revealing himself to be spectacularly uninformed about economics and human motivation.

What makes you think people who aren't reading the news now, would read it if it was free?

You cannot force people to be informed.

You cannot force them to be moral.

And you sure as hell can't force them to be smart.

You Do Not Have The Right...

...to credit. Community Reinvestment Act be damned. I don't care how much you want a house, you can't buy one unless you can pay the mortgage every month.

...to not be offended. The world is full of sharp corners and grumpy people. Some of them disagree with you. Some of them will make tears of pain and rage flow down your dimpled cheeks. Tough. They don't have to shut up because they harsh your mellow, dude.

... to be taken seriously if you wear a tight, low-cut top and then complain that "men are pigs" when they look at your tits.

... to ignore stop signs because you are old. Grey hair and wrinkled skin do not make you immune to the traffic laws.

Why I Hate Tinkertoys

I love to play with my kids, and build stuff out of lego and blocks and Lincoln Logs. But I hate tinker toys.

Tinkertoys come in a large cylinder about 4 times the size of a coffee can, the outside is emblazoned and festooned with colorful pictures of all the things you can build: a guitar, a tank, a spaceship, a series of spiky towers connected by blue tubes.

Alas, there are no actual instructions in the can.

So I end up peering myopically at the flyer that comes with the can -- much crumpled and drooled upon by Squeaky and Fang -- trying to figure out what connects into what so we can build the Impossible Tractor with Odd Protuberances, or Flying Shit Cart, or Coal Powered Space Rocket. The pictures are tiny, the colors are not accurately reproduced. There is no way a 5-year old can figure this out.

Which brings me to some specific issues:

QA at Tinkertoy Inc. is for shit. The wooden rods are not of uniform size, or maybe its the round wooden connectors that you ram the rods into. Some rods fit nicely and some slip out as soon as you shove them in. I don't know why in 2008, the idiots at TinkerToy Labs cannot cut wood the same way every time.

Finally, when you actually build the Giant Flimsy Airplane with Wings That Won't Ever Stay On, Ever, your kid will want to play with it.

But once you have built something with Tinkertoys, the proper thing to do with it is stand at a safe distance and admire it quietly and not breathe too hard. The last thing you should do is pick up the plane and attempt to play with it. If you do that, it will instantly fall apart. And even if it doesn't, because your kid is 5, he will bang the damn thing on the doorframe when executing a climbing bank and smash it to bits. And then Daddy has to fix it. Again, and again and again.

This is no fun for anyone. We should save crappy design and lousy execution for the professionals at the Pentagon.